1. I had my second dress fitting while simultaneously getting my you-know-what.
Dear Period- Hi. I am so glad you visited because a) I officially will not be a pregnant bride, something that I have had nightmares about and b) you will not be around during my wedding day or honeymoon week. BUT SERIOUSLY. WHY MUST YOU VISIT ME WHEN I HAVE TO PUT ON MY DRESS IN FRONT OF STRANGERS AND BE POKED WITH SEWING NEEDLES. YOU ARE RUTHLESS. YOU ARE INCONSIDERATE.
Have you no mercy?
2. I painted my nails a deep red wine color, a possible choice for the wedding.
When I asked Mr. Speedy what he thought, his exact response was “Isn’t that a little drab and dark for a wedding?”
Obviously, he does not understand my vintage look.
3. Velcro wallets = never a good thing.
Recently, my girlfriend went on a few dates with a guy and he had a Velcro wallet. Let me just throw this out there- men, do not ever own a Velcro wallet if you are above the age of 18. I cringe at the thought of having a date offer to pay, pull out his wallet, and then hearing that crrrrrrink of Velcro being pulled apart.
Obviously, she is not dating him anymore.
4. Mr. Speedy was stretching the other day, and flexed his arms over his head and I about fell out of my chair.
With the wedding so close and so much to do, I haven’t had time to stare and drool and study Mr. Speedy to the sickening level of devotion and obsession that I normally do. I caught a glimpse of his arms and got all the breath knocked out of me.
“Wow,” I exclaimed. “Your arms…. have you been working out more?”
“No, they are the same.”
“No, I am pretty sure your muscles are currently occupying more space and taking over my brain.”
He did not respond.
I truly appreciate how he puts up with my clingy-creepy stares.
Thank you, Mr. Speedy, for accepting this as a way of life.
5. Speaking of muscles, these legs are my favorite.
6. I have been awkwardly crying and proclaiming to strangers that I am changing my last name soon.
I have been having a lot of word-vomit moments lately where I just spew out random things to random people that probably could care less. I have also been getting teary-eyed while doing things that involve my last name. And by things, I mean like signing my bill.
For example, whenever I get to sign my bill or someone uses my last name, I have been saying things like this:
“Soon, I will not be signing this last name ever again.”
“Oh gosh… so soon it will be gone.” TEARS.
“I will not have this name much longer.” TEARS.
“I need to practice signing my new last name.”
“I am sorry, I am a little emotional about this name.” TEARS.
7. Oh gosh, my last name. Goodbye. Goodbye tiny Lily who sat in buckets. I might be crying right now.
8. I think I am going to drink an entire bottle of this Sleep mist.
Surely, this will cause me to sleep better and calm down.
9. Please remind me to not drink bottles that have the word sleep on them.
10. My Pirate Father has a speech to write.
When I asked my father if he was preparing for his speech at the wedding, his response was –
“What speech? Do people even do that anymore?”
Fathers are really funny sometimes. They like to joke at you when you are full of tension and stress.
11. This picture really calms me down. And makes me feel gooey and happy and completely content.
I am just going to stare at this picture for the next two weeks.